6 Reasons Why Weddings are Stressful
When you first get engaged and are starting to plan your perfect day – whatever that may be to you and your s.o.– it’s really exciting, but it can also become very, very overwhelming and very stressful. Here’s a list of things that will stress you out and ways to avoid the stress.
#1. Picking the date
Picking a date seems easy enough. That is, until you really close your eyes and think of all the people you want there and if they’d be able to make on that specific day. Think about it: do you have friends from out of town, friends who are still in school, grandparents who go away for the winter (or summer). What about family members whose jobs aren’t as flexible as your own? Yeah, I know, there’s a lot to think about, a lot of reason to fell stressful.
Solution #1: call your closes friends and family, who you can’t imagine your day without. Now ask them (beforehand) if there are any days / weeks they won’t be able to make it. Then give them the date you and your s.o. were looking at.
Solution #2: if you and your s.o. picked a date and it has sentimental value to you, then make sure you give your friends and family ample warning so that they can plan around it. It is just one day after all.
#2. Picking the type of wedding you want
Choosing what type of wedding you want may seem simple to you, but it isn’t your wedding, it’s you and your s.o.’s wedding. Maybe you wanted a small close family and friends wedding, but your s.o. wants a huge bash. This is something you need to talk about. Once you figure out who’s coming, now you need to decide if it will be a destination wedding, an in-town wedding or an elopement.
A little Backstory
To be honest, this was the biggest thorn for my fiancé and I. We decided on a big wedding (he has many family members and close family friends). Since we already booked a venue we started planning it out. I got pretty sick a year before the “chosen wedding date”, which made simple decisions really hard. The wedding coordinator from the venue was asking for final guest lists, seating charts and more, and I broke down. Simple questions became stressful ones because we hadn’t even made an official guest list at that point.
I spoke with my s.o. and suggested going away and eloping on a beautiful mountain with just our immediate families and really close friends. He was not into the idea, but knew how incredibly stressful this wedding was becoming, so he suggested a destination wedding (in hindsight, I think it was meant as a joke at first).
I immediately fell in love with the idea and started researching. We spoke with friends and family to see what they thought and [almost] everyone was on board. No matter what, we wouldn’t be able to please everyone and are making sure that we can include family members who won’t be able to make it. By having a small wedding here, beforehand, at the courthouse (which we had to do anyhow, to make the marriage official).
As many friends told me: it’s your (my fiancé’s and I’s) day. You will never ever be able to please everyone, so do something you will both enjoy. Make sure you don’t go broke celebrating one day and then have a party here afterwards to include family who couldn’t make it.
Solution: speak with your s.o. write down all your wedding day wishes – how many guests, where do you see yourself getting married, do you want a romantic elopement, a big bash or something in the middle. Remember, you will have to make compromises in your marriage as it is a partnership, don’t dismiss all your s.o.’s wishes, it’s their day too!
#3. Deciding on a budget
This may actually belong as #1 on this list, but that depends on the person, I guess. Making a budget is hard. Talking money is always less glamorous than all your other wedding tasks, but it is something that is really important. It can decide where your wedding will take place and who will be invited.
Some things to think about: who will be paying for the wedding (you and your s.o., a parent, the parents, a little from everyone)? How much is each person contributing? Is this amount realistic? Are you and your s.o. comfortable spending this amount?
Now that you have a budget, you need to decide how much of the budget is going where. Think clothing [dress(es), suit(s), shoes, accessories], cake, venue, transportation, flowers, decorations, dj, band, photographer, rings, food, drinks, etc.. I used two great apps: wedding wire and the knot. These apps are great because they list budget items that you wouldn’t even think about!
Solution #1: speak with your s.o. and both your parents to talk budget, or decide with your s.o. if this is something you’d like to pay for yourselves. Knowing your budget before you book a venue will be less stressful in the long run because you know right away what you can afford and therefore there will be less disappointments.
Solution #2: do not go over budget! You took the time to make a budget, so stick to it. Going over budget will cause tension. If you both decide to up your budget, then go for it, but make sure it is a joint decision!
#4. Deciding who is going to be invited
Is your wedding going to be small? Can you only invite your best friend and close family members, or is your wedding going to be huge and you can invite all your co-workers and acquaintances? Speak with your s.o. to see who they’re planning on inviting. You may want a small wedding with only really close friends, but you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.
Solution #1: if your having a small wedding, tell your not-so-close friends this, so they don’t get offended, most people won’t be.
Solution #2: on the other hand, if your having a larger wedding but don’t want to invite acquaintances or co-workers, then don’t. Chances are if you think someone is just an acquaintance and you only see them at work, they won’t be expecting an invitation. Although, if you have two close friends at work and you want to include them in your day, feel free to!
#5. Choosing a theme
This is something people tend to do after they pick a venue – big mistake! Imagine choosing a modern museum as a venue, but you want a rustic themed wedding. The venue will be a big part of making your theme work. First, decide what sort of look or theme you and your s.o. want, including: colours, materials, textures, decorations, etc.
Solution #1: choose a theme that makes sense to you and your fiancé. For example, if you are outdoorsy people, maybe an ultra modern wedding won’t be ideal. Think of choosing a theme that is more rustic, or a greenery theme.
Solution #2: if you don’t have a theme per say, think of what you’d like at your wedding, what season, which colours, what sort of decor. These element make up a theme, you don’t need to call your theme “rustic” or “ultra modern”.
#6. Choosing a venue
This can either be a simple choice or an incredibly stressful one. Based on your theme, research different venues that will suit it. Imagine having a greenery themed wedding in a green house, like Aquatopia. What about a rustic themed wedding at a mountain side venue, like Le Belvedere, or maybe your having a destination wedding, like we are. My suggestion is to speak with a travel agent. They usually know which hotels are the best for your needs and then from their suggestions you can choose the one that seems the best suited.
Solution: make sure you know how many people are on your guest list, do your homework and (if it isn’t impossible) visit the venue before booking. Keep your budget in mind and let the wedding coordinator at your venue know.
Remember, weddings don’t have to be stressful, as long as you have great communication and understanding for what the two of you want. Keep in mind, a wedding is just one day and that the marriage is for a lifetime. Try to stay calm and relaxed. Take a weekend a month before or a month after the big day to go to a spa and relax, you deserve it!
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